It's Number One, It's...

Paul Weller wearing an apron. John Peel complimenting the singer of Kajagoogoo on his "nice hat". John Lydon handing some kid in the audience a violin. Iron Maiden getting to play live when everyone else had to mime. Mark. E. Smith guesting with the Inspiral Carpets-uh and reading the lyrics-uh off a sheet of paper. The Clash, conspicuous by their absence. Judy Tzuke's lead guitarist and his extremely NSFW guitar, festooned with erotic art. Ian Anderson in possession of an unlicensed flute, with intent to cause grevious bodily harm. Hot Gossip (i.e. Sarah Brightman keeping her mouth shut). Chas, Dave and an entire orchestra wearing Doc Martens. Pan's People. (Pan's People? God I'm old.) The Sensational Alex Harvey Band doing "Boston Tea Party". The Rezillos. The Orb playing chess. Finbar Furey with his finger in his ear and his eyes clenched shut singing Sweet Sixteen. St. Winifred's School Choir. Kate Bush. Terry and Arfur doing What Are We Gonna Get For Christmas (For 'Er Indoors). Whole Lotta Love by Alexis Korner's CCS (via Zeppelin). Foster and Allen in green lamé leprechaun suits doing A Bunch Of Thyme (Their manager - this is true - tried to pass them off as "New Romantics"). Matchstalk Men and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs. Keef shaking his head like a Beatle and cracking the rest of the Stones up doing I Wanna Be Your Man. Legs and Co. (Mmmm. Legs and Co.) Tubeway Army spending an entire summer at the top. Bob Geldof playing a candelabra on "Rat Trap" (union wouldn't let him use a sax, y'see). Morrissey swinging flowers around the place. Madness doing The Prince. Tammy Wynette with the KLF and that improbably pneumatic dancer (the cameraman definitely liked her; most cleavage close-ups ever). Mike Skinner of The Streets being indiscreet about a particular female pop-singer. The Timelords and That Police Car. Mud doing Tiger Feet. The Faces kicking footballs around while John Peel "played" mandolin. Yellow Peril by Phil Lynott.

As of tomorrow, Top Of The Pops will be no more. I actually watched it not too long ago. Was it good? Was it bad? That doesn't matter, it was Top of the Pops, wasn't it?